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John Waters puts the “I” in Christmas

Confidential

NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

Sunday, November 29, 2015, 6:38 PM

John Waters attends an after party to celebrate Film Society of Lincoln Center's retrospective celebrating John Waters.Kris Connor/Getty Images

John Waters attends an after party to celebrate Film Society of Lincoln Center’s retrospective celebrating John Waters.

Cult classic filmmaker John Waters wants you to have whatever kind of Christmas you’d like.

“Everybody is trying to seize Christmas for some political reason, so I think we should have a Christmas for everyone – even people who hate Christmas,” says Waters, who will perform his “Holier & Dirty” holiday show at Tribeca’s City Winery on Dec. 6. One of his suggestions for making the holiday season a less conventional involves merging Halloween with Christmas.

“In Baltimore I saw a house that had a goblin and Baby Jesus together,” he says.

And he loved it.

“Why do people try to dominate how other people celebrate their Christmas?” Water asks. “I don’t understand.”

The “Pink Flamingos” director scoffs at the annual hubbub over nativity scenes on public property and whatnot.

“I think what’s going on in Syria is a lot more serious,” he says. Waters also has no time for the controversy around Starbucks’ seasonal holiday cups, which some critics find offensive due to their lack of Christmas iconography.

“We should put ‘Happy Syrian Refugees Day’ on the cup and shut everyone up,” he suggests.

John Waters performs "A John Waters Christmas" in 2014.Paul Marotta/Getty Images

John Waters performs “A John Waters Christmas” in 2014.

Ultimately, Waters says all the “War on Christmas” rhetoric shouted out by conservative commentators around this time of year amounts to much ado about nothing.

“People see that these things are meaningless,” he says. “There are two things everyone should want for Christmas – gun control and the avoidance of World War 3.”

He also wouldn’t mind if Santa brought him a new set of wheels.

“I guess I need a new car,” Waters says. More specifically, he wants a used Buick.

“I want to do a Buick ad where you tell people ‘You can rob a bank in this car and no one will be able to identify it,'” he says. “Or you can get a big truck for hostages. I’ve had a used Buick since I was 16. My car is so plain that no one can describe it.”

Waters, a Baltimore native who’s had an apartment in Lower Manhattan for 25-years, says he doesn’t know if SantaCon — the controversial (and banned in some neighborhoods) bar-crawl of Santa suit-clad revelers — is coming to town this season. But if the barf-arific frat fest does rear its ugly head, he has a couple ideas to make it less predictable.

“They should do SantaCon where everyone does acid instead of drinking,” he said. “That’d be interesting. They would be more creative and quieter and there’d be less vomiting. That’s also making (Christmas) your own.”

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